


It Won't Kill Ya

by littledarlinwrites



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/M, Insecurity, Jealousy, Mutual Pining, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-12
Updated: 2019-05-12
Packaged: 2020-03-05 07:07:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18823624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littledarlinwrites/pseuds/littledarlinwrites
Summary: “Why are you so nervous around me?” Will nerves get the best of both of you and ruin something before it even has the chance to start?





	It Won't Kill Ya

You swore it had been the longest New York winter to date. There had been snow on the ground consistently for the last three months. There had also been a lack of missions lately, as if the criminals had taken a holiday or decided to hibernate through the painfully long winter. All you knew at this point was that is you had to see the same walls inside the Tower for another minute that you were going to go insane. It didn’t help that team bonding night was tonight and currently you were stuck listening to Sam, Steve, and Tony argue over what movie to watch. Well, mainly Sam and Tony arguing, Steve was trying to to keep the two from starting a civil war over their choices. Even Steve’s diplomatic ways were grating on your nerves. You quietly got up from the couch and walked over to the guys yanking both DVD cases out of their hands and chucking them across the room. Tony was about to make some smart remark until he got a look at your face to which he promptly decided he liked his anatomy just the way it was. 

“That’s it, we are going out tonight, or so help me, I will grab both of those DVDs and shove them up some unsavory places on the both of you.” You stated as calmly as possible which, if you were being honest with yourself, seemed to scare them more. 

“Thank God!” Natasha remarked from her perched spot on the chair. 

“Out?” Wanda spoke up.

“Out.” You confirmed. 

“Oh, we should go check out that new club that just opened up!” Natasha suggested.

“Now that’s something I can agree with!” Sam spoke up smiling. Tony nodded his head in agreement. Steve didn’t look entirely convinced, but he didn’t shoot the idea down either. 

“I’ve never been to a club before.” Wanda spoke up, a bit of excitement and curiosity laced in her voice.  
“Then it’s settled. We are going to the club tonight. 10 o’clock.” You looked toward Natasha and nodded your head toward your room and head towards it. Natasha grabbed Wanda and followed you. 

Once in your room, you headed towards your closet to see if you could find something to wear for tonight. Wanda sat on your bed while Natasha raided your closet with you occasionally throwing articles of clothing she thought had potential onto your bed. You were more picky on the clothes that had potential. You were hoping to get the attention of a certain sergeant. The man made you nervous. Bucky had this certain way of looking at you like he could really see you. That you weren’t what everybody else saw, a badass Avenger that handled everything that was thrown their way with grace and determination without an ounce of doubt or weakness. That if you were being honest with yourself, you had a lot of doubts, you weren’t as brave as you seemed more often than not, Like he could see every part of you that made you who you are, which scared the living shit out of you. It took you a long time to open up and trust someone with that amount of vulnerability. To trust someone with your soul. Yes, Bucky Barnes made you nervous. 

Natasha stepped away from the closet and looked at the items she threw onto your bed to see what she was working with. It wasn’t until you reached the back of your closet that you found what you knew you would wear. A black off the shoulder bodycon dress that laces up the back. You grabbed your black knee high stiletto boots and walked out of your closet to show your friend your outfit. Wanda’s eyes widened since it was a bit more revealing that what you typically chose to wear. Natasha just had a smirk on her face. Natasha picked the rose gold backless v-neck mini dress for herself that she had originally thrown on the pile of outfits to be considered for you. You looked through the pile for something for Wanda and found a maroon v-neck silk-like bodycon dress that had a side slit. You handed it to her and told her to feel free to look over your shoe collection. 

Two hours later, the three of you were dressed, had your hair and makeup done, and were heading down to the lobby of the tower where the guys were waiting for you. Your eyes immediately flitted to Bucky. He was talking to Steve, his metal hand was in his pocket, while the other was combing through his hair. A nervous tick of his that you had noticed. Your eyes couldn’t help but rake over his body. The crisp white shirt underneath his deep blue satin jacket did nothing to hide his strong physique. You could still tell there was rippling muscle underneath the layers of clothing. When your eyes ran over his black denim covered thighs you had to hold back a moan. Bucky Barnes was sent to personally torture you, and if it wasn’t the sweetest, most aggravating torture of your life. Maybe one day the pent up frustration would spark the courage you needed to put yourself out there. You doubted it, but hey, a girl can dream right?

“Buck, I’m telling you she’s into you, just go for it already.” Steve whispered to Bucky as the girls made their way from across the lobby. Bucky couldn’t help but stare at you as you said something funny to Natasha which caused the both of you to laugh. He could hear your laugh from here and it made his heart skip. His eyes scanned your body appreciatively before he realised that every single guy in the club would be doing the exact same thing. Even worse? They would have the nerve to talk to you, ask you to dance, and worst of all, ask you to come home with them. His stomach immediately soured at the thought. Bucky wanted nothing more than to be that guy, but everytime he tried his throat would try up, his stomach would twist in knots, and his mind would completely blank on him aborting the mission before it even began. He wasn’t the same guy that he was back in the forties. He could flirt with dames all day, but not with you. He was a guy out of time, and you were out of his league. You made him nervous.

You looked away from Natasha when you caught up with the rest of the group in the main lobby just to catch a glimpse of Bucky looking away from you. As much as Natasha assured you that Bucky was into you, you couldn’t help but be disappointed by the lack of a reaction from him. Natasha noticed the look in your eyes and knew where your thoughts were. You were your own worst critic and your nerves often got the best of you if others lives weren’t at stake. 

“Alright boys, you all readly?” You spoke to the guys, but avoided a certain super soldiers eyes. 

“Hell yeah, let’s get this party started!” Sam said excitedly. It looks like you may not have been the only one eager to get out tonight. Before you could loop your arm with Natasha’s, she had moved towards Steve talking to him and walking ahead of the group. Wanda and Vision, Tony and Pepper followed them, and Bruce and Thor were talking about science and magic, along with Sam and Clint talking about weaponry. The left you and Bucky to follow up last. 

As soon as you walked out of the tower you almost slipped on a patch of black ice outside the tower. Instead of feeling the cold, hard ground under your butt, you felt a solid, warm chest against your back, and two strong arms catching you. 

“You okay, Doll?” Bucky whispered against the shell of your ear. 

A breathy, “yeah,” escaped your lips as Bucky helped you regain your footing. You managed to stutter out a tank you to Bucky while keeping your head a bit tilted towards the sidewalk, but you managed to sneak a look up through your eyelashes to see a small smile grace his face. You couldn’t tell if he was blushing or if his face was just red from the bitter cold New York air. You involuntarily shivered before you wrapped your arms around yourself and began walking towards the club having already fallen behind the others by about a block. You felt something being draped over your shoulders.

“At least til we get to the club?” Bucky said staving off the protest that was on your lips. You knew that Bucky hated the cold, but you couldn’t ignore the plea in his eyes and conceded to his request with a grateful smile and a nod of your head, your cheeks feeling even hotter than before. You and Bucky walked quickly, but carefully, and caught up with the others just before entering the club. You handed Bucky his jacket back, thanking him before Wanda excitedly pulled you towards the bar for drinks, while Tony got a table in a private section where everyone could sit down and drink, but have a good view of the dance floor. You down a couple of shots of tequila at the bar before helping Wanda carry both trays of drinks to the table. It wasn’t long until both trays of shots were empty. You could feel the buzz of alcohol singing through your blood, and you couldn’t help but feel a bit more relaxed because of it. You could feel the thump of the thump of blaring bass through the floor and when the song changed Wanda was grabbing yours and Nat’s hands and heading to the dance floor. The three of you danced, and it wasn’t long until a couple of the guys joined you three. You saw Vision try to mimic everyone else, but his movements were definitely a little awkward. Wanda simply just grabbed his hands that rested on her hips and wrapped his arms around her waist. She leaned against his chest looking completely content as they swayed side-to-side, disregarding the beat of the music. You saw Clint make his way behind Nat resting his hands on her hips before turning her around to face him as they started dancing. It was long before you heard the deep Southern voice of Sam in your ear.

“I know I’m not a certain blue-eyed super soldier, but do you mind if I have this dance.” He asked, his voice barely audible over the loud music even though he was speaking into your ear from behind you. You turned around and nodded. You two began dancing and it wasn’t long before Sam had you laughing from spinning you in a circle. When you looked over his shoulder though, your laughter died on your lips. Bucky was putting his jacket on and making his way toward the exit. Your heart plummeted into your stomach. You were hoping Bucky would have asked you to dance and it seemed as if the moment was passing. You don’t know if it was the buzz of alcohol in your veins, or the irrational fear that if this moment passed you didn’t know if either of you would ever work up the nerve to really know each other and maybe, if you were lucky, become something more. 

“Go.” Sam said, you looked at him questioningly. “Go get him, trust me.”

You didn’t wait another second before bolting after Bucky, he was too far away, and the music was too loud for even his super soldier ears to hear you calling his name. He had made it through the exit before you could call his name again where he had the potential of hearing you. You took the stairs two at a time, rolling your ankle once. Before you made it to the door that led you outside. 

“Bucky!” You called his name as you threw open the door. Bucky turned around shocked that you were standing there. You took a wobbly step onto the sidewalk, letting the door shut behind you. Bucky noticed the wobble in your step and jogged over to you before you could almost fall for a second time that night, while he loved seeing you in heels, he didn’t love the idea of seeing you fall in them. 

“Why are you so nervous around me?” You blurted out. Grace was beyond you at this point, in all honesty it was probably beyond you three shots of tequila ago, but your irrational panic wasn’t helping anything here either. Bucky looked down at his shoes, taking a breath before stumbling around his words to answer your question.

“I just, I guess, I thought you wouldn’t want to be with someone like me.”

“Like you? What do you mean someone like you?” Bucky took a deep breath before making eye contact with you and the look in his eyes broke your heart.

“Someone like me, I’m a monster. I’ve killed people, even though I wasn’t mentally there at the time, it was still me that did it. I’m an experiment gone wrong, well, right for HYDRA, but wrong. I’m broken, and you deserve someone whole. Someone good. Someone that isn’t me. Someone like Sam probably.” At that moment it dawned on you, Bucky even if Bucky saw you down to your core, he couldn’t see himself clearly. 

“Dance with me?” Your small voice cracked out.

“What? There isn’t even music playing out here.” 

“It won’t kill ya.” You reply back coyly, a hopeful smile playing at your lips. Bucky looked at you for a minute before moving towards you apprehensively, he rested his hands gently at your waist, just a feather light touch from his metal one. Your hands made their way to behind his neck. You two swayed slowly back and forth. It took you a minute to gather your scattered thoughts before you spoke up. 

“You’re not a monster you know,” you began, your voice just above a whisper, but you could tell by the way his muscles stiffened that he had heard you. 

“A monster doesn’t feel remorse for pain they caused, they don’t feel guilt. They don’t worry about others more than themselves, or worry about others at all. Monsters don’t try to right their wrongs, or fight evil. Good people do. So, you aren’t a monster Bucky, and just because HYDRA experimented on you doesn’t make that the only thing about you. I wish they hadn’t done all those awful things to you, but I am glad they saved your life, because if they hadn’t you probably wouldn’t be here right now, and I wouldn’t be hopelessly in love with you. I love how strong you are because most people wouldn’t have survived everything you’ve been through, let alone survive and come out the otherside strong and fighting back. I love how you seem so sure of yourself, and every move you make with the team when we’re out on a mission because there are times I’m scared absolutely shitless, but then I look over at you, and you’re strong, and not just physically, but you make me feel safe because I know you have my back. Everyone always thinks I’m strong, and brave to the point of fearless, and smart, but I doubt myself constantly, and I’m always worried about making the wrong move and who it will effect and that if I make the wrong one it would be all my fault, and what if someone got hurt because of me and I can’t fix it-”

Bucky placed both hands on the side of your face, tilting your head to look up towards his before leaning down and kissing you in the middle of your rant. You could taste the citrus and mint on his lips from the mojito he drank at the club. You pressed your body against Bucky’s and kissed him back. Your tequila-addled brain quickly losing it’s previous train of thought as the thought that Bucky’s lips were really on yours consumed you. By the time you broke apart you both were needing air. Bucky rested his forehead against yours.

“I wanna know ya, Doll.”

“I wanna know ya too, Bucky. Every part of you.” You could see the internal struggle Bucky was dealing with, worried that if you knew every part of him it would scare you away. He nodded his head before whispering four words you thought you’d never hear.

“I love ya too, Doll.”


End file.
